hello stoopid humans. i am simon the cat. i am jason’s owner. the stoopid basturd left himself logged into his journal when he left the house. he is a big gerk. he buys me the cheapest cat food and he lets the shit pile up in my kitty litter too long. he likes to be mean to me too. he holds me under the covers in bed and tucks the sheets under him so i can’t get out. then there is my name. its simon and i am a girl. what is up with that? i also have to live in this house with martin the cat. he is such a dumbass. he is old (8 years old! I am 1.) and sometimes he poops on the floor. He barks a lot and he always wants to lick my face, gross! I don’t want some old pervert licking me. i have to put up with this crap and then he wonders why i am always mean and ornery. one of these days i’m gonna box his ears off. i have some napping to do.

meow,
simon